goodbye elizabeth. you were a good therapist.

and i would like to share something i am both proud of myself for doing but concerned about because its so prevalent in our schools.

i stood up today to my whole sixth hour for teasing this poor boy relentlessly. it was straight out of a lifetime movie, i swear. you wouldnt have known the difference, but i couldnt just stand by and watch while he had to go through this everyday with no support.

everyone hates him in my class. i think he may have a disability of sorts because he always speaks out of turn and is very odd - if you knew him you would understand its more than that. and i know there has been some serious stuff going on at home. im not gonna say any names because i dont want to make him uncomfortable. everyone says things like "shut up! holy shit, didnt you take your ritalin this morning!?!?!" and "no one likes you, no one ever will" yada yada. everyday. the whole class. just torture. and the teacher joins in! the cunt joins in! [by the way, no offense by that word, i dont usually use it but this is a special case where i do.] she asked the class "who is the most obnoxious person in this class - theyll be the subject of this story problem." okay not only is she mean but she also thinks we are five. besides the point. she was looking at the certain kid the WHOLE time and she knew, SHE KNEW that they would choose him as he has always been the target. the whole time he was pleading that she wouldnt do this to him, that she would shut up and and just let it go. come up with another "story problem". but she wouldnt! she has never been a popular teacher, but lowering herself to the class's standard wont earn her respect.

today he didnt speak. today he did exactly what they all asked him to do. he shut up. he used words on paper to communicate when he had to. of course that wasnt good enough for the bullies. "your so retarded, why dont you just speak!" "what a dumbass, with your little fucking cards." and then he got down under his table and he cried. ive always been really nice to him and on really friendly terms, so i thought hey, ill go talk to him and try to make him feel better. and i did. i spent that whole hour trying. he wouldnt even look at me. the poor thing, i dont think he had it in him. and the stupid teacher just went on teaching, as if he was being defiant and should be given the "silent treatment". finally, after much badgering by other classmates - "what the hell is he doing?" - i stood up.

"this is only because of all the shit youve given him. look at all of you, youre begging him to shut up and look! he shut the hell up! but thats not good enough for you! no - you obviously dont want him to shut up, do you? hes too entertaining, hes a perfect target isnt he? it doesnt matter what he does. at the end of the day hes still the target and hes still weird and youre all pigs. if anything bad happens because of this, its your fault. youll have no one to blame but yourselves."

then the teacher, joining my bandwagon i guess - "i agree. there is a line that has been crossed-"

i cut her off. "no - you cant talk about any line. you lost that right when you lost our respect. you make fun of him just as much. you are no different than any other kid in here now, like you wanted. youre the same as them. and the sad thing is youre supposed to be an adult! look at you - you dont even know right from wrong."

and she was silent. no not mad at me. i wouldnt have cared even if she was. this is how fucking columbine happened. every violent crime has a monster behind it. and you know what? monsters arent just born, they are CREATED.

and what have they created? who knows? a monster, an obituary, or perhaps just a greater hole in his heart?

they all deserve the guilt. if only they were smart enough to feel it.