~sydnerella

well ever since i posted on here what happened to a poor boy in my class on my last journal and forums, and the words that i said to the class of bullies, some people have asked to be kept posted on it. well here is all the aftermath:

the teacher has apologized. although i dont think it is a sincere apology, but it was nonetheless effective in stopping her role in it. she now knows and understands that she must at least watch her back and behave appropriately if she plans on keeping her job. and i will report her if she does it again.

she apologized the day after it happened, so april 31. everyone in the class was more pissed at me than anything but i didnt face too much retaliation from them. it was mostly just a mindset that they all had and an attitude towards me and the situation in general. and some under-the-breath grumbling. but its all good. i couldnt be happier anyways. im not depressed like i was earlier this year anymore, im not having thoughts of killing myself, i have a wonderful boyfriend who has been good to me through the bad times in the past months and loves me. i have great friends and am not so focused on what has gone wrong with others that i cannot save. i am doing better in school and last night i got seven hours of sleep. i am happier than i have been in a long, long time. so any backlash i might have yet to face means nothing to me. but i think that because i was so strong with my conviction that they were wrong and that somewhere deep down they knew they were wrong that i wont face their ridicule. because i honestly think that they are too weak inside to go up against any kind of strength, even if it comes from an underweight, skinny, pale girl like me.

and the boy? he is doing better i think. i dont see him so upset in class anymore and the teacher has become more tolerant of his outbursts, even if they are inconvenient. in fact, sometimes ill see people who were usually mean to him play a game of cards with him, or talk with him in their free time. some people have not changed their minds, however. i think i expected that. they are too insecure to know what else to do besides tear apart others to try to lower them to the level of what they would want to think that person really is. but even their comments have died down a bit. they are getting more tolerant and i have not had to stick up for him again. the teacher is more aware of her role as a teacher and not a friend so she is quietly trying to change things as well. and i have talked to the boy. i told him that if he ever, ever needs to talk to me he knows im his friend and i will always listen. it reminds me of some notes i passed with him a long time ago:

him - you seem like a cool person.
me - thank you.
him - but friends dont last forever you know. they may say that they do but everybody just goes away in the end. there is no such thing as friends forever.
me - well i am your friend. i used to think like you. but i was wrong about that, and i think you are too. because people might move away and grow older and begin new lives, but the ones who were ever really friends [and you will know who they are - you will be able to know who is true and isnt] will always have those memories. and they will look on them fondly. and because of those memories they will remember you when and if you ever need them again. and they will answer.
him - i dont know... you write a lot. =]
me - what can i say? you know i wanna write one day. =]

they were awkward notes at that time because i didnt really know him that well. but i could tell that there was some pain in him that i have felt before. and i think that empathy is overlooked in society today as an ideal. i think it is a moral - the most important moral. and i hope he knows now that i really am a friend - even forever. its not just a pinky promise or some yearbook ritual - it is something that is a truth for both of us, and that even when time gets the better of us that we still have the memories and empathy. we still have each others backs.

hes not just some kid who sits in the back wearing a naruto headband around his neck - he is just a struggling boy in unfortunate circumstances. sometimes all that is needed is a perspective that freshens up all the sour feelings. without sounding corny, sometimes all you need is a friend.

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on another note - a comment left by tim on one of my pictures gave me an urge to write down my family's history. i dont think i will be able to get exact details and imagery, but i think that since the history is in itself so beautiful, and almost symmetrical given the opposites involved that it would be worthwhile. i want to start with the meeting of my great grandparents [which will be hard, very hard - i only have one surviving great grandparent and mumpy's memory is stale and sometimes repetitive but i will try]. and then i will interlace the two stories without them ever touching one another at all physically. but rather some driving force behind the two at the same time that creates a subtle bond. my mom's side starts in kentucky, which will be very interesting because life is so different down there in that time-period. and they werent rich - my great-grandpa was a miner. both of them had ten kids together. and on my dads side it was jackson, michigan. i dont know much about my dad-side great grandparents' early relationship yet so im looking foward to that. oh and i should have mentioned before that this will be matrilineal when i choose who is the protagonist [not like they must be female, but they must be descended from a mother of one of my grandmothers and then down to the parents i have in the next room.] my dad-side great grandparents were better off financially. after starting a few businesses, it was a tool and dye company that gave him success. and later on he even won it big in vegas [$250, 000]. and thats only the backdrop, the first part. the second part will follow a daughter of each great-grandparent, my grandmas and when they meet my grandpas. and then all the way down to my mother and father.

i think that it will be really interesting. i dont know why, probably because of the emphasis on the spouses meeting, that this will resemble a bit of a romance novel. but i think that i want to add an element of nostalgia, a bit of a rustic sense of reality. i want the writing to resemble a never ending piece of film that documents the tale as it is through all the changes of the world around it, that recognizes each decade and development. it has to be continuous and flowing like a ripple in a field of wheat. it just has to be like silk and spin each thread goldenly, to be crafted into some exquisite art later. i want to be as real as possible, but i dont want to be analytical and "intelligent" [as in resorting to summarizations and conclusions] - this has to be art, it has to be flowing and gracefully surreal for me to see it as the art i envision it to be. and that comes from the senses, not the mind. so i have to build not only the schedule of research but the mindset of a waking-dream. its going to be hard, but i feel so inspired to do it. i cant wait get started!

wish me luck! im going to turn this into my first novel!